I sell art through Redbubble and Society6 and they both have their pros and cons. I personally prefer the print quality of Redbubble’s apparel but Society6 really shines with their homewares products. I mean you can get boobs on a shower curtain. The absurdity of that speaks to me on a personal level.

Which is why I was genuinely excited when Society6 launched wallpaper earlier this year. I design a lot of repeating patterns. Wallpaper was my time to SHINE.

Or it would have been. But all my patterns to date don’t tile as a perfect square.

Instead, I’m dealing with this shit:

Screen shot of a rectangular pattern tile not fitting the Society6 wallpaper default

Note the cropping at the bottom and top of the pattern tile. If I tried to upload that, the resulting wallpaper would look like this:

Groooossssss

The obvious solution is to design patterns so that their tiles are square which I’ll be doing from now on. In the meantime, I’m rejigging my old patterns to fit the new format and it’s a fucking pain in the ass. So I figured what better way to really feel the burn than to document this process for you guys.

You’re welcome.

I’ll be using my Relaxolotl pattern as a guinea pig today because it’s one of my best sellers.

Also, I’m a bourgeois snob who doesn’t like learning new programs so the following is all Adobe Illustrator specific. You can, however, apply a few of the tips and tricks to your own programs and/or processes if you work with something else.

Onwards!

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In 2016 I had to leave a job I loved because I was too sick to work. I’ve since had two surgeries, cultivated an essential but bank-draining team of medical specialists, and developed a truly spectacular tolerance to painkillers.

For me, Endometriosis has been a nuclear bomb dropped on my life.

Scientifically speaking: Endometriosis is a condition that occurs when cells similar to the inner lining of the uterus (the endometrium) decide they’re strong independent cells that’re gonna strike out on their own and make it big, Mama! Endometriosis growths are commonly found in the abdominal cavity of sufferers – getting up close and personal with your abdominal walls or your local organs. Some cells dream a little bigger though, migrating into organs like your bladder or bowel.

A woman's nose
Then there’s that free spirit who finds his calling in your fucking nasal cavity

In severe cases, endometriosis growths can stick your organs to your abdominal walls (or each other). Think Shelob’s cave from Lord of the Rings but the web is living tissue.

Oh but wait, there’s more.

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A masterful story is a lot of things. It carries plot, characterisation, tension, meaning, and absolutely, unequivocally does not make its audience go, “What? Where the fuck did that come from?”

The Sixth Sense
Not to be confused with, “What? Where the- oh. Ohhhhhhh!”

The WTF reaction from your audience is one of the fastest ways to get people to hate your story. There’s a reason people froth at the mouth when discussing the Deus ex Machina trope. People hate feeling left out of the loop.

The loop, in this case, being the Setup/Payoff cycle.

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Well, it’s that time again, folks! Time to miss a deadline and explain what asshole body part we have to blame for it!

Yes, I’ve had to put Hug Your Local Werewolf—my story of a queer boy who’s lycanthropically challenged—on pause for a little while. Fittingly, my Patrons got first-access to this explainer, but I figured all you faceless beauties on my analytics feed deserved a rundown as well.

Buckle up, kids, this gets hairy.

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Happy belated May the fourth, my good nerds!

I had an excellent Star Wars day myself, drinking good beer with good friends while wearing the physical proof that we’re not in the dark timeline after all.

Poe Dameron's Entire Face on a shirt
This is the most beautifully unnecessary shirt. I’ve never loved an item of clothing more.

But while some of us yelled about the stars aligning perfectly to give us Donald Glover’s casting as a young Lando Calrissian over Star Wars themed beverages, others chose to highlight their distaste for certain aspects of the franchise.

Now. As someone who’s spent a few thousand words detailing her own distaste for certain Star Wars storytelling choices, I’m not one to throw stones in this, the most fragile of houses.

Except people are coming for my very favourite trash sand lesbian and I will not have it.

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