Depressed Woman

Friday, 400mg of Ketamine

I write this from a 400mg Ketamine/early morning haze. It’s 6am, which is only a time I’m functional at right now because hospitals are some warped otherworld in which apparently 5am is a thing that exists.

I’ve been stuck four times in my belly with a needle over the last five days, and it’s certainly feeling it.

Ketamine Infusion
Sorry, buddy.

Otherwise, I’m… relatively normal? It’s strange how easy getting used to Ketamine is. I actually can’t fathom what not being on it is going to be like. I’m assuming there’ll be fewer feelings of being pressed lovingly on all sides by pillows.

My balance is a bit wonky, but weirdly that’s also something you get used to. Like finding a new equilibrium.

On Wednesday I had another collection of needle stabs: a caudal epidural injection to help me deal with a couple of desiccated spinal discs and a bi-lateral sacroiliac joint injection to deal with joint issues. Basically, the pain from the endometriosis has meant I move and rest in ways not conducive to keeping the rest of my body in line. One thing goes sideways and everything else follows the crowd.

The epidural was mildly hilarious. They knock you out for it so I went in, laid on my front with a pillow under my chest and a rolled up towel under my forehead, expecting the whole “count back from ten” dealie. Only I never even made it that far. Whether because I was already halfway there with the Ketamine in my system or what, I just remember them putting the needle into the back of my hand, then I blinked, and woke up in recovery, wondering when they were going to start the procedure.

The only indication that anything had happened was a numb tailbone and a bruise where they put the knockout drug in. A+ experience. Would not worry about it again.

Whether the shots have been effective is something for sober Stacey to figure out I think, but Ketamine Stacey doesn’t feel all that different. My pelvic pain has proved to be baked on. I’ve had moments of relief, generally while caught up in a super-buzzed wave, where I can feel where the pain is supposed to be by its sort of… numb absence. But in true me fashion, my nervous system seems to get used to the Ketamine as fast as they can up my doses. The pain is never a stranger.

I guess we’ll find out once I’ve said goodbye to Earl the Ketamine infuser what effect this week has really had. If nothing else it’s been… one more option ticked off. It’s early days with my pain specialist yet so hopefully, he’s got some other routes mapped out.

Tuesday, 0mg of Ketamine

So I never got around to posting the above, mostly because five days of mildly tripping on hallucinogens is exhausting and I never got around to editing it.

I’m now four days post-Ketamine and…I feel pretty much exactly the same as before I went in. I have a followup with my doc scheduled for next week but I’m not really holding out much hope for a delayed reaction. The only consolation I have is my pain specialist and the anaesthetist were stellar human beings who didn’t charge me a gap. So since my insurance came to the party, my five-day stint in hospital and all the requisite needles cost me a whopping $0.

And hey, the food was pretty good too.

I’m able to work on pieces like this because of the support of my lovely Patrons. Rosie, Megan, Nicole, Brianna, and Picksleydust are among this rad crowd. Thanks for keeping my doctors in the lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed, all!